Etsy, in case you don’t know, is basically the craft fair/flea market of the internet. Millions of people come together to sell the unique things they’ve handcrafted to those wishing to have something unique in their lives. And like most craft fair/flea markets, it’s got a lot of cool stuff. Also, a lot of weird items. (And a ton of tutus, for some reason.)
So we went looking through Etsy for the best of the worst in Halloween costumes, since it’s that time of the year. And before you ask, yes, every single thing you’re about to see is up for sale. You can actually buy these costumes! Why you’d want to, though, is another topic entirely.
Classy! Don’t let PETA see this one.
The costume of choice for when you’ve completely given up on the whole dignity thing.
‘Queen O’ Da Sea’ Costume
We’re not sure what is going on in this one. (Though we do appreciate the pun.) Is it supposed to be a comment on how our oceans are polluted? It’s definitely polluting our eyes.
Seller: Great Deals For You
Since when is the outfit that Flo, the “Kiss my grits!” waitress from ‘Alice’ wore considered drag? You want $50 for this? It doesn’t even come with enormous fake boobs!
It’s a little known fact that hippies wore sensible pantsuits in bright colors.
‘Hello Kitty’ Pirate Costume
We’ll give this seller this: they definitely put in the effort, unlike some of the slackers on here. And, if you’re worried about being seen at night, well, that’s not going to be much of a problem with this eyesore.
‘Seuss-Inspired’ Prosthetic Nose
We would not wear it on our face, not even if you hit us with a mace.
‘Pink Floyd — The Wall’ Child Costume
Male ‘Grasshopper’ Costume
Since when do grasshoppers have fairy wings?
This’ll be great for the gallery opening she’s attending later. Oh, wait, no it won’t. Cause she’s a child.
For when you’re baking spiced rum cake. You’ll have to supply your own dreadlocks. Also, every other costume piece.
Taxi! Taxi! Oh, sorry. You’re a lady. Awkward.
OK, this is kind of adorable. But we also wonder how The Dark Knight would be taken seriously while wearing this.
‘Little Mermaid’ Ballroom Gown
If you’re an adult and looking for ball gowns pulled directly from Disney characters, it may be time to review your priorities.
Loch Ness Monster Costume
Nessie has been found! And she…kinda looks like Barney?
Is it us, or do these so-called penguin costumes kind of look like giant Snuggies?
To be fair, we’re not exactly sure what a good reindeer fish costume would look like either.
We guess she’s supposed to be some kind of space cowboy. Or possibly a gangster of love? Definitely not Maurice. Honestly, we give up.