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Best of 2012 November – Our Guess at Employee Requirements for New State-Run Marijuana Stores in Washington

State marijuana stores coming
(Photo by Paula Bronstein/Getty Images)

Washington State will be opening up the new marijuana stores probably mid-to-late next year and they’re going to need somebody behind the counter.

Now, it could be a while before the stores open because there’s a lot of buzz about possible federal legal challenges to both Washington and Colorado’s new laws. The feds have been quiet as to what their reaction will be.

But once the stores get ready to open, we wondered what the job requirements would look like.

They might appear something like this:

Application Requirements For Employment-State Marijuana Store:


‘High’ School Diploma — strongly encouraged.

Proof of graduation or transcript — not necessary.


Must have prior experience differentiating between four- and five-leaf plants.


Clothes must cover half your body. May include bandannas, flip-flops, raggedy flannel shirts accepted. Stains on clothing may cover only 40 percent of appendage area, such as legs, sleeves, etc. Weekly shower recommended.


Must be adept at rolling with only one hand.


Must be familiar with, and able to correctly pronounce, the following words with correct inflection: ‘dude’, ‘baked’,  ‘whoooaaa,’  ‘heetos,’  ‘ditchweed’, ‘ace’ and ‘pinhead.’


Must supply own munchies, state stores will not be responsible for 4:20 cravings.

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