20 Halloween Pumpkin Fails
Between your foolproof stencil of Justin Bieber‘s face and an endless supply of premium 99 cent carving tools, you probably envisioned yourself minutes away from that dreamy pop star pumpkin glowing all over your neighbors’ jealous faces. What could go wrong?
Everything. One false measurement, too many slices, a couple spilled pumpkin ales and your foxy glowing Bieber just morphed into a festively plump Barbara Walters. You are not alone my friend.
We did some deep digging and soul searching and found other failed Halloween masterpieces that suck almost as bad as yours. Check out our special collection of pumpkins and owners who’ve also failed to reach their true carving potential.
Justin Bieber…or ellen degeneres?
We’re pretty sure this artist was aiming for a Justin Bieber carve. Sure we’ve got a few lines of sweeping hair, but who wants to pinch the cheeks of a football shaped head? Not this guy. This ones for all you “Beliebers” out there and absolutely no one else.
Team Jacob? edward? who knows?
This artist titled their piece ‘My Ode to Twilight‘ so we’ll go ahead and assume Edward Cullen and Bella Swan are somewhere in there. Or at least they used to be before some ‘Twilight’ hater came along and kicked a hole in the pumpkin. Either way, extra points for the bloody ketchup tooth.
A Tribute (?) to Steve Jobs
biggie smalls or boss hog?
Carved by someone with the “coincidental” moniker ‘Christopher Wallace,’ this is a grand attempt at replicating the image of Notorious B.I.G. While his features are a bit on the narrow side, maybe it’s hard to find a pumpkin large enough to contain Biggie Smalls. Either way, let’s chop some more Benjamins and scantily clad ladies up in there, shall we? Otherwise he looks a lot like the rotund bad guy who played the Duke Brothers.
stay classy, san diego
We think this one is supposed to be Ron Burgundy, Will Ferrell’s ‘Anchorman’ character, but honestly we’re not sure. Could be ‘Magnum PI,’ Geraldo, or possibly Hall from Hall and Oates. That’s between the pumpkin builder and his god.
tanooki mario or carmen miranda?
This little number was found appropriately titled ‘My Tanooki Mario with Down’s Syndrome.’ Since it’s doubtful that a chromosomal condition was in the artist’s initial plan for Mario’s pumpkin fate, we have to toss our Italian plumber friend here in the fail pile. Friends don’t let friends eat Goomba mushrooms and carve.
According to pumpkin carver juliemar: “My attempt at Obama … kinda looks like he got socked in the nose and his eyes went goofy but hey, it works.” We don’t know about a fist fight, but it sure looks like those White House recipes for home-brewed beer are coming in handy.
pumpkin meets patrick bateman
Yep, we have no idea what this pumpkin was supposed to be as creator sycamade apparently “over-carved and it just went downhill from there.” Just goes to show when life gives you lemons, stab them to death with kitchen tools until they look pretty.
hungry demon dog
Not all folks go for the gusto of celebrity pumpkin carving. People love their pets. They love their pets so much they want them on their pumpkins. With dogs toys in their mouth. Like a.. umm.. err.. a squeeky rocketship. Also, we’re not totally convinced this dog isn’t Zuul from ‘Ghostbusters.’
try to carve yoda, you did
Here we have Yoda. He may have gone a little more Jabba on us here but never forget word of the wise: “Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not. For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is.” Or Yoda got depressed, ate many ice creams and salad toppings he did.
toaster cylon or frankenberry?
As stated by artist soozums, “It started out as a toaster Cylon [from ‘Battlestar Galactica’]. Ended up looking like what would happen if Darth Vader, Predator, Frankenstein and a Cylon all hooked up at a really rockin’ party.” Cylon or not, you and your failed nerd pumpkin are appreciated.
Bieber Pumpkin Returns
On to Bieber attempt part deux. So we yet again have sweeping hair, plus girly lips, and a few more details than the last. We just can’t seem to get lost in the big holes that have replaced those chocolate brown Bieber peepers. We could be falling for Tinkerbell, Ellen, or even half of that cute lesbian couple that lives down the block. Who knows?
jenny from the pumpkin patch
This pumpkin, titled ‘J-Lo,’ gives us no doubt that Jennifer Lopez herself is sitting before us. Looking classier than ever with her Gucci diamonds, gummy eyeballs and four sets of false teeth, we can’t help wondering if this Puerto Rican pumpkin is the real Jenny come back to the block.
kim kardashian, nightmarish pumpkin
This pumpkin beauty in her long black weave and bikini is none other than beloved reality star Kim Kardashian. Proving that when all else fails with carving, paparazzi photos and fake golden pumpkin boobies will surely save the day.
does snooki pumpkin love pumpkin ale?
This masterpiece was found titled “Snooki,” so “Snooki” it shall be. Up on her tan and topped with a Guidette hair poof, the lack of leopard print and fist pumps has us wondering if this is an Italian-American hotel staffer or the Chiquita Banana lady sans fruit bowl. Question: if Snooki Pumpkin ferments, can she get drunk on herself?
michael jackson or ashton kutcher?
‘Thriller’-loving hopefuls Alex and Mina noted: “Michael Jackson kinda turned into Neil Diamond, but we still love him.” Agreed. Maybe next time try carving him while rocking a sweet crystal rhinestone glove on one hand. We hear they have magical carving powers.
d’oh! freaky homer pumpkin
These folks named him “Homer,” but we think there may be a circus or two in this pumpkin’s future. The bright eyes and bloated lips make him seem more at home on a tightrope than at Moe’s. Well, at least as a freaky clown pumpkin he might still scare the Jujubes out of little children on Halloween. Mmmm…Jujubes.
can’t read my pumpkin face
Fuzzy boa and vented glasses, all hail miss Lady Gaga pumpkin. The pumpkin who gets a big fail stamp for not being covered in meat with at least six other costume changes ready to go. The little monsters will be so disappointed.
hunka burnin’ fail
A pumpkin titled “Elvis” gets kudos for a sweet black rockabilly pumpkin hairdo, with a thumbs down paint job. (It looks a bit like Rosie O’Donnell.) We vote someone slap a lip snarl on there quick before old broads with gambling addictions start throwing themselves on your Wayne Newton pumpkin stage of a porch.
ultimate pumpkin fail
Herpes. The worst pumpkin ever.